Struck Down. But Not Destroyed.

"The Benjamites came out of Gibeah and cut down twenty-two thousand Israelites on the battlefield that day. But the men of Israel encouraged one another and again took up their positions where they had stationed themselves the first day."- Judges 20:21-22

Wow. I can't believe that my freshman year of college is almost over. This is my last full weekend  at Liberty before I head home for the summer and the more I think about it the more I cry (tears of joy of course). I had no idea what to expect this school year. It's funny because when I look back at all of my worries before leaving home to come to Virginia, I see how they were so small compared to what God was going to do with them. "What are my roommates going to be like?" "How am I going to pay for all of this stuff?" "How am I supposed to take medicine without my mom?" "What do I do if I have to go to the doctors?" "Wait I have to buy my own groceries?" "Where am I going to church?" "Are my roommates going to think it's weird that I speak in tongues?"  "What do I wear when it's snowing?" And the list goes on and on and on. I'm glad that I can look at these questions now and laugh because of how I have seen God provide for each one of them. He has been so faithful! It blows my mind how much has happened from August till now. I have grown so much. It hasn't been an easy journey. I have shed many many tears and have gone through different painful trials. I've experienced fear,doubt, heartache, worry, depression, and the list goes on. But in the midst of all of these things that have come in these two semesters of college God's love prevails them all. I can not even begin to imagine how I would have made it this far without Jesus. When God places you somewhere He makes that holy ground and sets it apart for Himself to work miracles and I have seen that come true in my life here at Liberty. I always say that I go to the greatest school on planet earth and I mean it. Seriously Liberty University has exceeded every expectation that I had when coming here. It blows my mind every time I think about the amazing people that I have encountered and built relationships with all based off of Jesus. Never in my life have I been surrounded by such an awesome body of believers that seriously care about every little detail of my life. To me it's God's way of showing how He loves us. The verse I used above struck me because of how much it relates to my life right now. In this chapter of Judges the Israelites are going to war against the Benjamites because God has told them to. The thing is though when they first enter into battle the Israelites are cut down 22,000 people, leaving the Benjamites with the victory. Why in the world would God tell them to go and fight and then let them get cut down? The Israelites didn't give up though, they encouraged each other and together they approached the Lord asking if they should continue fighting. Again God says yes. So they obey and go to fight again, this time they loose 18,000 Israelites! When this happens to us in life we get so confused. "God you told me to come here and do this but I keep getting defeated! Why?" I feel like this has been my mindset during certain times at school. I would be going through something, having a bad day or week and I would think "Jesus why did you bring me here? What was the point if I'm just going to keep getting knocked down?" But as I keep reading I see the Israelites crying out to God, praying, fasting, and seeking His face on what their next move needs to be. Again God says go but this time he adds "For tomorrow I will give them into your hands." (v 28). So the Israelites again go to war against the Benjamites this time getting the victory and striking down 25,100 Benjamites! I guess this spoke to me so much because I can relate to the Israelites, especially after facing the unknown in college. I know what it's like to have God tell me to do something and when I do it I get knocked down but then He tells me to do it again. I believe this makes me stronger and even more dependent on Him. I also believe it makes the victory even sweeter. What a sweet victory it is that I have made it through my first year at college.  I'm hundreds of miles away from home living in a different state, meeting new people, and experiencing new things and God has been so faithful. Sometimes it can feel like everything is against you but  God is for you and in the end He always gets the victory. I am so thankful for the encouraging people that God has placed in my life this school year. I have made friendships that I value so deeply and I can't wait to see what God does with them. Jesus is AMAZING. I have no idea what the future holds but I know who holds my future. I'm excited to come home and pour into my family, friends, and strangers. I'm excited to go out and use everything God has taught me this semester. But I am also excited to be back at Liberty. I haven't even left to go home yet and I'm already saying "Okay when do I get back to Virginia?" God has done exceedingly above all I could ask or imagine. Thank you Jesus. Remember guys "When Jesus says yes nobody can say no."- Sofia Oh an p.s. My roommates are amazing, God provided money, I learned to take medicine without asking my mom, I survived going to the doctors without a parent, I've become a grocery shopping pro, God placed me in a beautiful church, my roommates love Jesus and tongues,

and I'm still learning the snow clothes thing, but I'm getting there! (Just to answer all of the questions I put in the beginning). 

Trusting Him in Emptiness.

I have to be honest, I feel like I need to be ministered to more than I need to minister in this particular moment. I feel like I've been so poured out that my cup of offering is empty. I think we all have these different times in our lives when life seems to constantly be against us. Everyday it's something different and by the end of the week we find ourselves with all of these things stacked against us. Times like this leave me in a place of brokenness. Having a mandate to be in full time ministry is hard but I think learning to trust God to fill you up when your empty is harder. "I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me." -Psalm 22:14  Trusting God to come in and bring restoration through His power and love when we feel like this cry of David is hard. Actually it's more than hard, it can seem unbearable sometimes. As I continue reading through this scripture though I see that David continues to praise God and declare His goodness over the nations. David stays in this posture of worship even when He is under so much torment that he feels as if his heart has melted away. He then comes to the revelation of "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."- Psalm 23:5.  How do we go from "I am poured out like water," to "my cup overflows." I don't have the answer to this and it's hard to discern what it might be while you're in the thick of things, but I do know that David never stopped worshiping. Even while he was in the middle of physical and spiritual affliction beyond belief he continued to worship. And somehow out of that sacrificial worship David went from being poured out like water, and crushed down, to overflowing with anointing. He came to this mighty revelation that God has purposed things in His life that the enemy can not stop. I'm hearing God say that He wants me to trust Him with EVERYTHING I have. He wants me to trust Him with all of my life, with all of my heart, with all of my things. He wants me to lay it all down at His feet and walk even if I don't know where I'm walking. It's times like this in life where your faith is really tested and where you really have to say "Okay Jesus I can't see but I know you can." I really just wanted to come from a place of vulnerability with you guys today. Life isn't perfect and it's most definitely not easy. I think we become ineffective in ministry if we are only willing to share the good things with people.We have to be willing to share the hard parts of life, and show people that we don't have everything together. Sometimes when people ask you how you're doing you need to be truthful and say how you're really feeling. That's what I'm doing now. I just want to minister today to the heart that is hurting because I know what it's like to have a hurting heart. A word of encouragement is this "I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day." - 2 Timothy 1:12. I have entrusted Jesus with my life, my heart, and with the people that enter into it, and I know that He is able to guard it ALL. I know that my Redeemer lives, even if I don't feel like it. And I know that Satan is defeated and that my head is anointed with oil. The Holy Spirit has the power and I will continue to say "Jesus I trust you." even when I am pressed in on every side. Praying for restoration and victory for your guys lives!- Sofia