"Don't you think I hear the whispers, those subtle lies, those angry pleas. They're just demons, demons, wishing they were free like me."- ( Diamonds)
Fear is a prison. As I've made it through my first week back in college I've realized this. I look back at this past summer and see how captive to fear I was. I see even more clearly the walls of fear that imprisoned my heart because I chose to believe the lies of the enemy over the promises of God. I have also discovered that depression and anxiety reap a harvest of fear. As I submitted to it the walls of fear begin to rise up around my heart and blur my vision. I see that I was no loner looking through the lens of faith but through the lens of this dreadful fear. How did it all begin? A seed of fear was planted and I let it take root. I began to allow the enemy to water that depression with fear, doubt, and anxiety, and it began to grow all through my body, almost as if it was a parasite. The crazy thing is that I didn't even realize what was happening. I didn't realize that fear was overtaking my heart and mind. As the summer continued the fear got stronger. I listened to every voice that fueled my fear and rejected every voice the tried to crush it. It's as if fear became my crutch. I listened to the voices that said "Sofia the promises of God don't apply to you,\."Sofia you're never going to be in a relationship that God has ordered because you won't be able to handle it."Sofia you're not supposed to be here, it's impossible." Sofia you're not going to be able to pay for school, why are you going to Liberty." Sofia are you sure of your major, are you sure that's what you're supposed to be doing it doesn't seem logical, you might just be wasting your time. Sofia you should stay home and not go back to school because your family is not in the best spiritual condition and you're supposed to carry them." Sofia I don't know if he is the right guy for you." FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. That is what each and every one of these statement put in my heart. They crushed me because I submitted to their weight and the walls went up around my heart and shut out Jesus. I didn't know what voice to believe and what voice to deny so I just shut all of them out. I felt heavy and is if the affection of the Lord was slowly drifting from me. But oh what a lie from the pit of hell that was!! It was towards the end of summer in the month of July that I talked to a special friend of mine on the phone, crying my heart out because of the pain I was in, and through their voice Jesus spoke to me and said "Sofia you have walls around your heart and I want to get in. I am repairing your voice and I will tear down every wall if you let me." The transformation began when I surrendered. When I realized all of the fear that I had built up around my heart and all of the lies I submitted to I began to say "Fix it Jesus!!!" Please God tear down these walls I give them to you. I began to watch a sermon series from Elevation Church entitled "The Will of God is Whatever." And Jesus began to tear down the walls! I had this revelation that my mind needed to be corrected by God's Word and my heart needed to be directed by it. So I began to have conversation with God through reading His Word. I just say "God can you show me things in Your Word to break down fear." And He did just that. It was amazing. I could literally physically feel my hardened heart being softened. As I came back to school I was more confident but still struggling with some doubt. Even as I began seeing God's promises and faithfulness unfold in front of me I still would say to myself "Is this for me?" It was just a few days ago that a friend I had made my freshman year of college, who I hadn't talked to in months and who knew nothing of my situation, texted me out of nowhere this "The Lord has really just given me a heart for you the last several days and I want to say thank you for standing firm and praising Him whatever your lot showing and pointing to His always and forever love that goes on. He is bringing victory in your life. I sense it. Strongholds demolished and chains of fear broken for he has heard your cry and seen you seek His face and He is coming. For He does not delay!" When I tell you I started breaking down in tears right in the library. I literally felt the presence of God so strong and so thick that I began to get hot in my face and started shaking. Jesus is breaking through my fear, and doubt, and helping me to run towards His promises and commands with an open heart. Jesus is crushing my depression and rebuking my anxiety with the loud sound of His voice. Jesus is repairing my voice that I might not shrink back in fear to His voice that calls me deeper and further into the unknown with Him,but that says "Yes God!" He is giving me a war cry that shuts the lying mouth of the enemy and the voices of the doubters in my life. As I fight against fear I know that the war has already been won by the blood of Jesus. I know that God is for me and that even as Satan tries to throw his flaming darts of depression, fear, and doubt at me, my shield of faith that has been refined from suffering and the truth of God's Word, will take those flaming darts and quench them before they can even take root in my heart and mind. I just want to encourage those of you that are struggling with fear or who have struggled with it. His perfect love cast out ALL FEAR. Jesus is for you. You don't have to be scared, you don't have to withhold your heart. This morning my pastor said "Sometimes you can only see the wilderness, but God has a Promise Land waiting for you." Believe the promise guys.Don't let the opinions of doubters or Satan dictate your decisions. If I would've listened I would not be at Liberty University right now and I would not be chasing after everything God is for me and has for me. I've come to realize this, It's not over until God says it's over. I'm not moving until God says move. As long as the Lord's provision stays and His Spirit continues to lead me in that direction I will follow. Fear is a prison and Jesus holds the key to set you free. He has done it for me and continues to do it for me. I know there will be days when I will feel the fear creep in and start to whisper lies but I know that Jesus is right next to me saying this over my life "You are precious to Me. You are honored, and I love you." - Isaiah 43:4 May you all have a blessed week full of the chain breaking love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. - Sofia
"All your curse will surrender, every damning word will kneel, They're just mountains, mountains, about to turn into fields." -(Diamonds)
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