Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

  You are a lie. A lie that slips out of the mouth of the accuser into the hearts and minds of the children of God that whispers "be sad, be defeated, have a heavy heart, just because." You bring your friends fear and anxiety to step in and make everything worse. They cripple our hearts, bodies, and minds from going, from doing, from being, from loving. Our hearts become a restless pit of questions and emptiness. We become numb and weak, feeling as if there is no reason to fight. You cripple our dreams and passions and say "no." You kill, steal, and destroy. But not anymore. For God refuses to let the enemy shout in triumph over us. (Psalm 30:1). And depression is the enemy. I have watched you enter into my life slowly and silently. I have listened to your lies that cloud my vision from the truth. I remember those times you used to take away my appetite, my sleep, my passion. But I serve a victorious God who promises to take back everything that the enemy has stolen. And that is exactly what He has done for me through Jesus. The blood of Jesus has redeemed my mind back from the pit. His sufficient grace has proven to be strong in my weakness. His Word that is full of promises for my life has out shouted your screams. One night that I'm sure you're very familiar with, I was sitting in my friends bathroom crying out because I had let you hurt me so much, and with the power of the Holy Spirit the words "Depression you can't have me," came out of my mouth and I felt a release. In that moment I felt the hands of depression let go of my neck in fear as if I had just pulled a weapon on it. Because I did. You like to silence our voice so that we can not proclaim victory with our mouths. But Jesus did not die on the cross for us to be swallowed up in defeat and for our mouths to be silenced. His love casts out all fear. When Jesus was nailed to the cross He took our depression on Him. For those agonizing hours that He was on the cross He felt the weight of our depression, He felt the crushing emptiness of its attacks. But when He rose from the grave He threw of the weight of depression. So today I stand with confidence that as depression tries to defeat me, tempt me, and cloud my vision it will only end up shrinking back in fear at the blood of Jesus that covers my mind and my life. Depression you have been defeated.

I wrote this to speak to the hearts of those that have been battling depression. It is real but it is also a lie and I wanted your hearts to know that Jesus has come to set you free and that depression does not have to win or take mastery over your everyday life as it tires to do. I know that it is a fight but you are not alone. God sees you and knows you and has come to part the waves of your depression as you victoriously walk through them and turn to see your enemy swallowed by the waves. Praying that every lie of the enemy is silenced and that your mind is healed in Jesus' Name. "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

  -Sofia

Breaking Strongholds of Fear that leads to Depression.

       "Don't you think I hear the whispers, those subtle lies, those angry pleas. They're just demons, demons, wishing they were free like me."- ( Diamonds)


   Fear is a prison. As I've made it through my first week back in college I've realized this. I look back at this past summer and see how captive to fear I was. I see even more clearly the walls of fear that imprisoned my heart because I chose to believe the lies of the enemy over the promises of God. I have also discovered that depression and anxiety reap a harvest of fear. As I submitted to it the walls of fear begin to rise up around my heart and blur my vision. I see that I was no loner looking through the lens of faith but through the lens of this dreadful fear. How did it all begin? A seed of fear was planted and I let it take root. I began to allow the enemy to water that depression with fear, doubt, and anxiety, and it began to grow all through my body, almost as if it was a parasite. The crazy thing is that I didn't even realize what was happening. I didn't realize that fear was overtaking my heart and mind. As the summer continued the fear got stronger. I listened to every voice that fueled my fear and rejected every voice the tried to crush it. It's as if fear became my crutch. I listened to the voices that said "Sofia the promises of God don't apply to you,\."Sofia you're never going to be in a relationship that God has ordered because you won't be able to handle it."Sofia you're not supposed to be here, it's impossible." Sofia you're not going to be able to pay for school, why are you going to Liberty." Sofia are you sure of your major, are you sure that's what you're supposed to be doing it doesn't seem logical, you might just be wasting your time. Sofia you should stay home and not go back to school because your family is not in the best spiritual condition and you're supposed to carry them." Sofia I don't know if he is the right guy for you." FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. That is what each and every one of these statement put in my heart. They crushed me because I submitted to their weight and the walls went up around my heart and shut out Jesus. I didn't know what voice to believe and what voice to deny so I just shut all of them out. I felt heavy and is if the affection of the Lord was slowly drifting from me. But oh what a lie from the pit of hell that was!! It was towards the end of summer in the month of July that I talked to a special friend of mine on the phone, crying my heart out because of the pain I was in, and through their voice Jesus spoke to me and said "Sofia you have walls around your heart and I want to get in. I am repairing your voice and I will tear down every wall if you let me." The transformation began when I surrendered. When I realized all of the fear that I had built up around my heart and all of the lies I submitted to I began to say "Fix it Jesus!!!" Please God tear down these walls I give them to you.  I began to watch a sermon series from Elevation Church entitled "The Will of God is Whatever." And Jesus began to tear down the walls! I had this revelation that my mind needed to be corrected by God's Word and my heart needed to be directed by it. So I began to have conversation with God through reading His Word. I just say "God can you show me things in Your Word to break down fear." And He did just that. It was amazing. I could literally physically feel my hardened heart being softened. As I came back to school I was more confident but still struggling with some doubt. Even as I began seeing God's promises and faithfulness unfold in front of me I still would say to myself "Is this for me?" It was just a few days ago that a friend I had made my freshman year of college, who I hadn't talked to in months and who knew nothing of my situation, texted me out of nowhere this "The Lord has really just given me a heart for you the last several days and I want to say thank you for standing firm and praising Him whatever your lot showing and pointing to His always and forever love that goes on. He is bringing victory in your life. I sense it. Strongholds demolished and chains of fear broken for he has heard your cry and seen you seek His face and He is coming. For He does not delay!" When I tell you I started breaking down in tears right in the library. I literally felt the presence of God so strong and so thick that I began to get hot in my face and started shaking. Jesus is breaking through my fear, and doubt, and helping me to run towards His promises and commands with an open heart. Jesus is crushing my depression and rebuking my anxiety with the loud sound of His voice. Jesus is repairing my voice that I might not shrink back in fear to His voice that calls me deeper and further into the unknown with Him,but that  says "Yes God!" He is giving me a war cry that shuts the lying mouth of the enemy and the voices of the doubters in my life. As I fight against fear I know that the war has already been won by the blood of Jesus. I know that God is for me and that even as Satan tries to throw his flaming darts of depression, fear, and doubt at me, my shield of faith that has been refined from suffering and the truth of God's Word, will take those flaming darts and quench them before they can even take root in my heart and mind. I just want to encourage those of you that are struggling with fear or who have struggled with it. His perfect love cast out ALL FEAR. Jesus is for you. You don't have to be scared, you don't have to withhold your heart. This morning my pastor said "Sometimes you can only see the wilderness, but God has a Promise Land waiting for you." Believe the promise guys.Don't let the opinions of doubters or Satan dictate your decisions. If I would've listened I would not be at Liberty University right now and I would not be chasing after everything God is for me and has for me. I've come to realize this, It's not over until God says it's over. I'm not moving until God says move. As long as the Lord's provision stays and His Spirit continues to lead me in that direction I will follow. Fear is a prison and Jesus holds the key to set you free. He has done it for me and continues to do it for me. I know there will be days when I will feel the fear creep in and start to whisper lies but I know that Jesus is right next to me saying this over my life "You are precious to Me. You are honored, and I love you." - Isaiah 43:4 May you all have a blessed week full of the chain breaking love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. - Sofia

"All your curse will surrender, every damning word will kneel, They're just mountains, mountains, about to turn into fields." -(Diamonds)

Depression, Anxiety, and Becoming A Yielded Vessel.

What a summer this has been. It doesn't seem real that it's getting ready to come to an end. Not what I had intended, this summer was hard. Of course it was full of awesome moments, beautiful blessings, and comforting friends and family. But it was also full of waves of depression, anxiety, and an inner war on my heart that caused me to shrink back in fear from the only Voice that calms all fear. Inner battles are exhausting, and if you don't stay rooted in God's Word they will piece by piece break you down. I knew this truth, but I let the fear cripple me, I let the season of not feeling God's presence press me into the lie that the joy of the Lord isn't my strength. How can it be if I feel nothing? How can I feel so hollow and dry, so confused and despaired, so broken and lost but believe that He is my strength? These are the battles I fought continually in my mind. And then the question is raised "Am I even in God's will?" How can I possibly be feeling this way if I am living in God's will for my life? Am I supposed to be attending this University? Am I supposed to be majoring in this, pursuing this, going here, doing that?" These questions raised in my mind and screamed from my heart as I tossed and turned at night and woke in the morning. As I gave in to these questions and emotions I felt the walls slowly start to build up around my heart and shut my Savior out. Unintentionally, even without my thinking my heart slowly became like the inhabited city of Jericho before its walls came tumbling down. As scripture describes Jericho "No one went out and no one came in" (Joshua 6:1). And then came the thoughts of "how can this be me?" Because I don't feel like me. I'm Sofia. The radical, Jesus loving, demon chasing, tongue speaking, blood pleading, Holy Ghost fired up girl. But that girl seemed lost and there I was giving in to myself. Clenching my hands so tightly around things rather then the Creator. Blaming myself and trying to figure everything out instead of asking Jesus to break down the walls around my heart and heal me. My voice seemed gone. I became broken before the Lord. I worshiped and prayed and fasted and did everything else that I could think of but I still was empty because the walls around my heart were high and sturdy and my trust had withered. A few days ago I realized I need to ask Jesus to tear the walls around my heart down. To crush them, so that my heart may once again be yielded to my Savior, because quite frankly I can't make it without Him. I gave into the lie from the enemy that I could. I gave into the lie that the still small voice that whispers away the fear can't be trusted, and it crushed me. I'm thankful that in the midst of these seasons the Holy Spirt remains the same and still speaks to us. I cried out and said "Jesus will you march around my heart and bring down these walls like you did in Jericho." For me that was the Spirit of God living on the inside of me that cried that out. The same spirit that cries out ABBA sat in me and said "Father help her." What a summer this has been. So I've begun to read the story of Jericho. Although it's not the first time I've read it, it feels as if it is. And day by day my gracious, loving, holy Father, is marching around my heart, blowing His trumpet, and taking my walls down. It's a process. Joshua and his army had to march for seven days before the walls of the city came down, but they didn't stop until it was done. And Jesus is not going to stop until it's done. He is jealous for my heart, He longs to sit on the throne of it and have it completely yielded to Him. So that's what He will do. Jesus is going to march around my heart until all the walls have come tumbling down and in the process his amazing love is going to release my heart from fear into freedom because that's what He does. His blood still works. And in all of this I am becoming a yielded vessel. I write this today to say that I have failed. I gave in to lies, I turned from trust, and I slowly started to depend more on the world and less on my God. But oh the beauty of Jesus when He reaches down to me and says "I do not condemn you." So if you're out there struggling, if you feel guilty and hurt, lost and confused, broken and despaired I want you to know, Jesus wants you to know, that He is going to march around that stubborn, bruised, broken heart of yours and say "Walls come down for this is my child whom I have bled for and the enemy will not win." Even in my depression God is good. Even in my anxiety and fear of tomorrow He is good. Jesus is the Healer of broken hearts, even if we caused them to break, and I believe that He is not only going to heal mine but yours to. Thank You Lord. -Sofia "When the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city." - Joshua 6:20